Mom of Two or Two Moms?

Having a child comes with a steep learning curve, but the second time around has been so much more ....complex. It’s more than learning how to care for another human life who is completely dependent on you for survival; there are big emotions to work through from all parties, mom, dad, oldest child, and yes even the dog had her two cents to put in.

When my oldest was born, it was pure magic. What you see in the movies: immediate bonding, falling in love with this sweet little bundle of joy and a couple who work together perfectly to love this sweet sweet baby. It was (mostly) carefree. Everyone is on the same page. We’re just along for the ride. 

The second time around was not this pretty picture. Of course I loved my second, she gave me the childbirth experience I had always wanted....but I wasn’t “in love” with her. Not right away. You see, no one told me just how much I would miss my oldest. Her sister was born and I just wanted Leighton to be there with us, and I wanted to eat, but mostly I wanted to share the experience with her. When we got home from the hospital all I wanted was to see Leighton and with that came an unbelievable wave of guilt. 

The girls have been completely different from each other since the time of conception. Leighton is fast paced, always moving, always talking. Lainie, just along for the ride. For example, her 31 hour arrival into this world. She is in no hurry. Instead of coming home and learning how to be mom to Lainie, I had to relearn how to be mom to Leighton at the same time. It was hard, and still is some days. I have to be both slow and available to Lainie because she just needs more care right now, while also being fast and playful for my quickly learning toddler. 

In the beginning I thought I was doing it wrong. I thought I wasn’t loving my second well. It took weeks for me to fall “in love” with her, but the more they grow the more I see their differences as a blessing. I don’t love them in the exact same ways, but then again they aren’t the exact same people. I’d say learning how to become a family of four, while significantly more challenging than a family of three, is turning out to be our best experience yet. *and the last that includes another child ;)  It grew us more than just in number. It grew our marriage, it grew Leighton and her dad’s relationship, and we get to watch a new sister love develop. It’s shown us just how strong parents can be, and how something so hard can also be something that we look forward to the most. Who knew that we would enjoy having little people requiring almost all of our time and attention so much. They leave us always wanting a break but never wanting to be away from them. 

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