Mommin’ Ain’t Easy

Let's be clear. I chose to be a mom. Twice. I know that, you know that, we all know that. What everyone doesn't seem to know though is that choosing to be a mom, or choosing to tackle any other number of challenges, does not make it easier. I don't have some magical power to remain the person I was, accomplish everything I was able to pre-kids, maintain the same energy levels, or levels of cognitive functioning. I'm tired, I'm stretched thin, and I'm keeping track of thousands of things at any given moment. I'm not complaining about being a mom. Like I said, I chose that, and I love it. It makes me feel a little like a superhero being able to care for so many people in all of these ways, all of the time. I'm 100% certain that I'm fulfilling  bymy purpose doing so. Life's greatest challenges are also the most rewarding. What I have a hard time with is how unsympathetic people are to others who are moving a little slower, dragging, or expressin

Having a child comes with a steep learning curve, but the second time around has been so much more ....complex. It’s more than learning how to care for another human life who is completely dependent on you for survival; there are big emotions to work through from all parties, mom, dad, oldest child, and yes even the dog had her two cents to put in. When my oldest was born, it was pure magic. What you see in the movies: immediate bonding, falling in love with this sweet little bundle of joy and a couple who work together perfectly to love this sweet sweet baby. It was (mostly) carefree. Everyone is on the same page. We’re just along for the ride.  The second time around was not this pretty picture. Of course I loved my second, she gave me the childbirth experience I had always wanted....but I wasn’t “in love” with her. Not right away. You see, no one told me just how much I would miss  my oldest. Her sister was born and I just wanted Leighton to be there with us, and I wanted to

New parent sleep deprivation is something that’s hard to understand until you’ve lived it. Even I didn’t even really understand it until I had my second child and I got that dreaded diagnosis, “ your baby has colic.” Our doctor didn’t want to say it anymore than we wanted to hear it because we both knew it wasn’t an answer to our problem. I was recently ready a blog post from TwentySomething  about her journey through the medical system and how in the end she realized the medical system wasn’t going to fight for her, she had to press on until she found the correct diagnosis, the right answer. It inspired me to look past this diagnosis for my own little one because “colic” is basically cranky baby according to the medical field. It’s a “we don’t know what’s wrong but hopefully it will pass” answer and I refuse to accept it. Babies don’t scream for multiple (14) hours at a time. They just don’t. My baby was in pain and I needed a fix, not a bandaid. My husband and I hadn’t slept in

Breast or Bottle Co-Sleeping, Bassinet, or Crib Your room or Nursery Purées, BLW, or Both Stay home or daycare Cry it out or pick up and hold Scheduled c-section, induction, natural, VBAC, etc. Home birth or hospital birth These are just a fraction of the choices new moms are faced with just in the very beginning. I’ll stop listing because let’s be real, when it’s all written down and we realize all the decisions we are going to be making, things get overwhelming. Some of these choices are huge and for some of them, both options are equally acceptable. It depends on the mom. One thing that I think is universal though, is that as our baby’s mom, WE get to make those choices. That’s something that is important to every mom. So what happens when life takes away our choice? The budget dictates you stay home, but you really miss your job. Health reasons mean that your baby will be bottle fed from day one when you so badly wanted to breastfeed. That’s hard.  How often when this h

This is a post i’ve been writing renditions of for so many months now. It’s never felt like the right time, and no matter how many versions I write in my head, it never seems to have a focused point other than an explosion of emotions that make no sense. Welcome to losing a child. But I guess when it comes down to it this post is mostly for me. I want to help other moms and friends of those moms of course. More importantly, I also want to speak to the power of my God, and I want to remember what experiencing that closeness was like. Who knows what this will accomplish.....only one way to find out! Plus there’s also the fact that every time I touch those still too raw feelings, the tears come. It’s beautiful and it’s painful all at once, but what location  do I have where I can write freely and cry ugly? The answer to that is anywhere. But I’ll explain that later. I kept making excuses. Waiting for the perfect picture to post with it, waiting for clarity, composure, time etc.